the week's over already. at least monday to friday.. my first full week of working + studying at the same time. oh man, its really extremely tiring and draining.. wish i could do either one wholeheartedly instead of just concentrating on either one.

i think i've hit rock bottom in everywhere, although not obvious to anyone at all (sad but true) :) the thing that is keeping me on is God's love. and what i do, trying as hard as possible not out of obligation but out of a response and committment to His faithful, never ending love for me. thank you Lord for listening to me, guiding me and most importantly saving my pathetic life from the pits of hell.

thank you Lord for allowing me to be an impact in several people's lives.. and more often than that, its the unexpected people that come and thank me.. and that really helps me in believing that i'm actually doing a good work. i'm really trying to balance this post between what i feel and what i know i should feel / say / do.

to be a mere mortal surviving in this deranged, degrading world is tough enough, to be a christian that loves God and loves others is even harder. whats the balance between both then?

i wonder why i keep stuff bottled within. perhaps it is the vulnerability that is not met by assured security that i seek. or there's simply no one (yet) that i can share my whole heart totally, every single bit, thought, emotion.. im only human actually, not some dude in a cape.although at times i wish i had suit of iron or the ability to shoot web from my wrists (haha!) and struggle with the inner demons of whether to save the world then to take self pity and rub it all over myself. (gross image actually)

i saw something interesting today at a primary school.

to be happy for an hour: watch tv.

to be happy for the day: go to an amusement park (in our case, lan shops!)

to be happy for a life time: help others.

it is just such a huge simple truth. helping others.. lending a listening ear, being a rock for them, speaking wisdom into their lives, serving and love them in different ways. even when i hit the bottom,that still remains the principle in my life. helping others whenever and however possible.

who will help me? haha. no la not so emo until like that. :)

but yup, the principle still remains, that to be happy for a life time: is to help others around, be a friend at all times and steady in their lives.

somehow just gotta get through and it'll get better..