my dream is to be a pro soccer play. HAHA. :) if i get the opportunity, i'll def go for it! if la...

work was just horrid to say the least.. up to now, i never really say what i actually felt, it was more of the telling of events chronologically as well as logically to sum it all up, but maybe the musings within were never unleashed, but just stored within. i'm only just a temp staff, trying my best to do everything right..why do i have to put up with all this "feels" in the office? you can do a million good things but everything evaporates with 1 bad sunshine (oxymoron). looking at the schedule next week too, it seems pretty obvious that trust is misplaced, or maybe i'm just abit sensitive.

but so what if i'm a temp staff? whatever i do, it is not for man (or the little pay, or for the people), it is for God. and when its for God, it should be done excellently. and i will carry on to do so.. until the day i'm no longer there. because this is being faithful in the small little things.

and i realised that a day is never truly over until the body goes to sleep.. because life is a box of treats! the treats that you take out from the box can either be good or bad (yet they are still treats..)

oh well. goodnight world!

well, first things first! Thank you Jesus! :) the sermon on sat was a really a blast! and i know for sure it is def not my own effort but God really orchestrating every single thing that went on for the service. :) we can plant the seeds but "God gives the increase" and it is sooo true. We can do everything humanly possible but it is still up to God to "give the increase". and how He sent Roland to guide me along as well in the preparation in the afternoon before service. haha alot of nervous moments before service started.. even up to the point where i went up, i was still soooo nervous. but praise God, once i got up, it was really Him all the way.. :) and the video clip inspired by the Holy Spirit to be shared was just soooo amazing. i cried while watching the clip at home, it just so inspiring.. and someone told me she even cried during the clip also. haha. :) facing the giants rock. and it was soooo awesome to have so much support from people around actually. Michelle, James, Dawn, Joel, Gabs, Kenneth, Alex, Jayne, Chellie, Roland,Megan my cell! :) and whoever else that i missed out..and even more awesome that after that,to hear how people's lives are being impacted, they have renewed dreams. :)

but yay! :) being steadfast... having a vision, must pursue, being faithful and staying tenacious are some of the qualities we must apply in our lives. and being the preacher, i myself even more gotta apply it into my life.. :) hard leh! but can one la..

so today i woke up late for school..

HAHA. so much for being steadfast.. but thank God there was another same module lecture in the afternoon and i managed to go for that and catch up.. after that was Human Resource Management.. haha. that is quite a dry topic. but its nice to eat fruits in the lecture... and right in front of the lecturer as well. haha. that made my day slightly better...

So many couples sitting or walking around in SIM. a huge sighs sometimes. this feeling of.. wanting someone is like "dogs nibbling at my heels". and plus yesterday James showed me a love story clip.. a huger sigh! hahah. i hope i'll have an extraordinary love story with my wife next time to be shared. or well, it'll be nice to meet her right now! ok la not at home, but soon i hope.. someone i can really really share my life with, every single moment, every single part of it. :)

but till then, i have a responsibility to ensure that my cell will grow further into a zone, setting the right culture in place, teaching the word of God and grounding people in His love. although sometimes i really dislike the administrative decisions and coordination that i have to do nowadays, but its all for God, i'm not just going to do it but going to do it excellently.

Draw me closer to You

Its my only desire

I fall on my knees

Oh i'm yearning for You, O Lord

Lord i know there must be more

Show me Your face O Lord

Make my heart pure as gold

Standing in awe of You

Show me Your face O Lord

I want to be

Right here with You

All of my days..

old school song but yet so powerful.

thank you Lord for just touching me and refreshing me once more..

i don't want to live my life with more regrets than dreams fulfilled.

i know why i'm leaving like this, not so much as there's a cause but there's a prevention of me doing what is right. but yet it's taking a toll and i feel so 1 man show in this whole wide world. perhaps i'll have an answer soon? (and very soon)

God doesn't called the equipped, He equips the called.

the week's over already. at least monday to friday.. my first full week of working + studying at the same time. oh man, its really extremely tiring and draining.. wish i could do either one wholeheartedly instead of just concentrating on either one.

i think i've hit rock bottom in everywhere, although not obvious to anyone at all (sad but true) :) the thing that is keeping me on is God's love. and what i do, trying as hard as possible not out of obligation but out of a response and committment to His faithful, never ending love for me. thank you Lord for listening to me, guiding me and most importantly saving my pathetic life from the pits of hell.

thank you Lord for allowing me to be an impact in several people's lives.. and more often than that, its the unexpected people that come and thank me.. and that really helps me in believing that i'm actually doing a good work. i'm really trying to balance this post between what i feel and what i know i should feel / say / do.

to be a mere mortal surviving in this deranged, degrading world is tough enough, to be a christian that loves God and loves others is even harder. whats the balance between both then?

i wonder why i keep stuff bottled within. perhaps it is the vulnerability that is not met by assured security that i seek. or there's simply no one (yet) that i can share my whole heart totally, every single bit, thought, emotion.. im only human actually, not some dude in a cape.although at times i wish i had suit of iron or the ability to shoot web from my wrists (haha!) and struggle with the inner demons of whether to save the world then to take self pity and rub it all over myself. (gross image actually)

i saw something interesting today at a primary school.

to be happy for an hour: watch tv.

to be happy for the day: go to an amusement park (in our case, lan shops!)

to be happy for a life time: help others.

it is just such a huge simple truth. helping others.. lending a listening ear, being a rock for them, speaking wisdom into their lives, serving and love them in different ways. even when i hit the bottom,that still remains the principle in my life. helping others whenever and however possible.

who will help me? haha. no la not so emo until like that. :)

but yup, the principle still remains, that to be happy for a life time: is to help others around, be a friend at all times and steady in their lives.

somehow just gotta get through and it'll get better..